Why try to fix things? I should just not say anything and see where that takes us. If it ends good, its good. If it ends bad, its bad, but we’ll get over it sooner or later. Sorry, for trying, for wanting to save whatever we have. I’ll just let it go its own way…can’t hold onto something when its not meant to be held onto. I don’t know if its a good thing to stop trying, but appreciate that I did try.

I’m cherishing our moments together. You should too. One day, we might just lose each other. And when we ask ourselves, why we held on and why we were once so important to each other, we don’t have the answers because when we try to think back on those moments of friendship, love and happiness, we can’t. Simply because we didn’t cherish the good times we had with each other. And the only moments we could think of is the bad.

So cherish our special moments. We love too hard and gave too much to let our close relationship go to waste.

Hiiiiii loveeeee,

I miss youuuu. I had a dream about you yesterday night. And I also thought about you a lot recently since we have so many memories and therefore, so many things reminds me of you.

Sleep soon. Goodnight.

I’m sorry that I tried to forget you. I’m sorry that I pretended I’m fine and I don’t care. I’m sorry that it’s been almost two years and I’m still living in denial. I’m sorry I don’t visit you, and I don’t make an effort to see you. I’m sorry for everything you would have liked me to do, but I didn’t. I feel guilty, but I’m too prideful to admit it. There’s just so many things I’m sorry for, and I just can’t face you.

But I miss you so much. There’s things I wanted to do with you, places I want to take you to, stuff to buy you, and people to introduce you to. If I knew, I could have made you so much happier.

It happened too soon.

So much is still bottled up. Good thing the cap is on tight. I’m still able to hold it in.

Please understand, it’s easier for me to pretend. But please understand, it doesn’t mean that I don’t care. It doesn’t mean I don’t miss you. And it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It’s all there. I’ll let everything out once I see you again. Until then, I’m sorry.

I’ll pretend I’m fine about your absence, and I’ll keep pretending…

I don’t know if I care too much or if I care too little. Maybe it’s just hard for me to show it. But if I do care, why don’t I try harder to show that I do? It’s not so much that I’m scared that you don’t care about me, because I know you do, you show it. We just don’t try because we know that when it comes to that bursting point and we can’t hold it in any longer, then we’ll be there for each other?

It’s just me again, thinking about why I act the way I do.

All in all, I just wanna know if you’re doing fine.

I’m not too good at “keeping in touch” but this non-communication thing makes me wonder how are you. I just need reassurance.

Just know, when things become too hard to handle and you can’t hold it in anymore, I’m just a call/text/email/webcam/facebook chat away…or whatever floats your boat. All these communication devices are getting chaotic. Best way is to meet in person and I’ll give you one of those special hugs.

Seriously, you’re strong. You can handle anything in your way. Just if you need a hand getting something out of the way, I’ll get my gloves and help you clean up the mess. We still gotta keep clean and be civilized here.

May the force be with you…

Happy Note: Saw a shooting star with my lover on our 4th months today. I was too much in a shock to make a wish. Sighs…the stars now owe me a wish. I will use it wisely…

…even though I know you’re right.